One of the funny things about being a gay lawyer is conversations about “coming out”. I think a lot of people use the term “coming out” to refer to the big moments – family, friends – the kind of things that were the subject of a two-part “extra special episode” back in the 90s. But after the credits roll on those big moments, life has hundreds of small moments where someone needs to decide whether they come out or not.
For people who are not part of the 2SLGBT+ community, it can sometimes come as a surprise that Queer people are making these decisions so frequently. I think this is best summed up by a conversation I saw online a few years ago, where someone asked – in a job hunting group for lawyers and law students – for advice on when to come out. I wasn’t surprised to see that most of the answers were rather incredulous at the idea that being LGBT+ would ever come up in a professional setting, let alone while networking or looking for jobs.
The truth is, a lot of pretty mundane situations can raise the question of whether to come out. Maybe you’re networking and have been asked why you want to practice in a certain region, or maybe you’re at an office party and inviting a plus one. It could be something as simple as putting a picture of your partner on your desk. If you’ve ever said something involving the phrase “my partner”, congratulations, you’ve come out in that setting.
The truth is, law is a very collegial and social profession. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve come out to colleagues solely because they asked one of the most innocuous questions of all: “what brings you to Kingston?”, or, even better, “what did you get up to this weekend?”. I could perhaps use gender neutral language when answering and discussing my partner, but I don’t. In fact, something many 2SLGBT+ folks will do, if they can, is come out relatively early as a way of setting expectations and being clear that we will be discussing our partners and personal lives in the same manner as anyone else.
When I read that question about coming out while job hunting, all of those scenarios came to mind for me. So, too, did one of the biggest gatekeepers of the legal job hunt: your CV. Let’s start with the easiest example: work and volunteering experience with Queer organizations or causes. Put these on your resume, and you may be outing yourself to potential employers. Omit them, and you’re dropping valuable experience, and potentially making yourself less competitive.
Now in my sixth year as a lawyer, and having been “out” in my professional life that whole time, I think it’s important to keep having these conversations about coming out, and keep making sure people understand why this is so important to members of the LGBT+ community. It’s also important to understand that coming out isn’t always an option for people, and many 2SLGBT+ lawyers or law students are in positions where they might be dropping extra curriculars or giving vague answers about what they did on the weekend. It’s up to out lawyers, and our allies, to keep working so that all of our colleagues can bring their full selves to work.
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