Some spouses who are separating seek out the most aggressive lawyer for their divorce. This is because in the field of family law, where clients’ emotions run high, they often are insecure, scared and worried that their spouse will take advantage of them. In fact, some spouses even threaten to do just that. Which is why some spouses think they need an aggressive lawyer and then demand them to be aggressive. Despite this, the role of the divorce lawyer is to solve a legal problem, not make it bigger; and aggressive conduct tends to inflame the already incendiary situation. We lawyers must not be enjoined in the marital conflict and instead maintain civility, objectivity and usefulness throughout the period of legal representation.
Interpersonal conflict in divorce is not only between the spouses. Lawyers are naturally competitive people. A new retainer for some lawyers is like the opening bell in a boxing match. They treat the case as a competition between the differing legal positions, opposing beliefs and contradictory family values of the two spouses. Some lawyers confront these conflicts head-on, delivering powerful blows to the other side, while other lawyers take a more conciliatory approach to dispute resolution, evading conflict and instead channeling compromise. The first approach (i.e. combat) is tense, stressful and destructive. The latter approach (i.e. compromise) is ethical, helpful and professional. The first approach is very time-consuming and expensive. The latter approach is fast and inexpensive. The first approach causes damage to families and children. The latter approach preserves family relationships and places the needs of children at the forefront.
Guess which approach is most popular?
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