Whether it's an LCBO bag in place of a briefcase, worn seams, polka dots or dark brown shoes, all barristers have witnessed - and some have committed - a gown faux pas in court.

Mind the Gap

"I am able to estimate the number of years male counsel have been in practice by mentally measuring the gap between the top of their trousers and the bottom of their waistcoat (and I count myself lucky if a white shirt is the only thing visible in the gap)."

- "Things Lawyers do that Annoy Judges: Things Lawyer do that Impress Judges", The Hon. Justice Joseph Quinn

 

Clipped Catastrophe

Pro tip: if you don't have time to iron after washing your shirts, put paper clips on the pointy things to flatten them so they don't stick up and spear you in the neck.

Just remember to take them off before actually going in to court... Because if you forget, the sheriff is going to notice and point it out to the clerk, who is going to mention it to the judge, who is going to smirk at you during your entire submissions and no one will tell you until the break and then you'll have to finish your submissions knowing that all anyone is thinking is that you have some weird office supply fetish and that this rumour is never, ever going to die, no matter how long you're counsel, and twenty years from now when you're on the bench yourself colleagues will still address you as "Milton" and hide staplers in your desk arranged in suggestive configurations.

- posted under pseudonym to LawStudents.ca

 

Grand Gesture

In 1980, I had my first opportunity to wear my new robes, fresh shirt, and double pinned striped pants in court. It was literally within weeks of my call to the Bar. It was an undefended "damage assessment" in Ottawa before the late Justice Charles Doyle, who did not suffer fools. There were over 30 matters on his list that morning and I thought I had struck it rich having the first two matters. All 30 matters were scheduled for a small courtroom and it was packed with lawyers and clients. Unfortunately, when the first matter was called I was in the hall speaking with one of my witnesses. He was stressing to me that he needed to leave as soon as possible for a root canal. When I entered the courtroom the clerk was calling number two. I made my way to the front and advised His Honour that I was indeed on #2 but was also on number one so could it be "called again." Justice Doyle advised that number one was at the bottom of the list. I protested. The courtroom was starting to get uncomfortable as I continued to irritate Justice Doyle. I pressed on: "But Your Honour… my client has to get to a dental appointment for a root canal and …" Justice Doyle looked at me and realized that I was not going to stop so he said: "Very well. Call number one!"

I proceeded, directing my client to take the witness stand. I asked him the standard questions and showed him documents, which I had him identify. I passed each exhibit to the Clerk with a confident, "I would ask that this be marked as Exhibit 1.." and so on. Finally, on my fourth exhibit, after several interjections by His Honour, with a flourish I swept the report from my client’s hand to the clerk and said "Please mark this as Exhibit #...". I never finished that sentence. Just as I was speaking and sweeping my arm in the air, the clerk’s ink bottle went into the sleeve of my robe and launched across the courtroom like a lacrosse ball bouncing across counsel table and the clerk’s desk and onto the floor.

I distinctly heard the court reporter call me an idiot as Justice Doyle called for an adjournment to "clean up this mess." When court resumed Justice Doyle asked for the clerk to call the next matter. The clerk knowing full well that I was on that matter as well looked at me with a smile and said "Number two on His Honour’s list…".

I stepped forward: "Cochrane, initial M. (gulp). I appear on that matter as well…"

It was a long day but I figured there was no way things could ever go worse in my career than that beginning.

- Michael Cochrane, Brauti Thorning Zibarras LLP
 

Andrea Sanche is a litigator with Ricketts, Harris LLP
 

What gown offences have you witnessed? Share your gown pet peeves in the comments section below.